jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

my voted haiku on ‘rainbow’ (Sketchbook June 2011 haiku kukai)

under trellises
their blooming vegan romance
harvests snap peas

Sketchbook June 2011 among haiku thread editor’s choice

rainbow–
of her childhood wishes
she rephrases one

5th place Sketchbook June 2011 haiku kukai (kigo: rainbow)

wanting more
of the rainbow she takes
her kaleidoscope

9th place

so close
at her every step–
rainbow’s end

10th place (or zero vote)

Please bear with me for posting published haiku for now. Nothing fresh has worked out for me these past days. I hope some will come soon as easily as these rainbow haiku.

By the way, I can tell you why the last haiku received no vote: first, it’s author-driven or my idea imposed on it, in stead of an observation; second, it has no anchor, hence, no pivot; third, it does not leap into any thought; fourth, it’s a cliche or a rephrasing of ‘finding a dream or pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

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July 24, 2011 Posted by | haiku, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

first frost on LYNX XXVI:1 (haiku that worked)/magnolia (didn’t work)

first frost—
the last of the roses
have lost their names

Published LYNX XXVI:I February 2011

Of the suite I submitted, only this haiku along with a sequence and a tanka worked. I think it was accepted because it’s the only one that is neither anthropomorphic (personifying an object) nor ‘author-driven’ (my weakness it seems) or I did not write my own opinion into it as compared to ‘magnolia’, one of five that didn’t work, here:

magnolia
bares molds on
winter skin

Yes, the magnolia bared in the fall through winter looks blotched and moldy. But I ‘stated’ my observation, and I even personified the magnolia as baring itself, instead of ‘simply noting my observation and my reaction to it’. Also, I used a metaphor in the last line. These points I think made it a non-haiku.

I should have worked on it some more and submitted something like this:

in the winter mist
the bare blotched magnolia–
i turn away

January 28, 2011 Posted by | critique/self-critique, haiku, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments