jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

my ‘yikes!’ haiku (from a suite of the first-ever haiku I submitted to THN)

1.
moon rise
on church window,
mom and I holding hands

2.
magnolia petals
in the wind—
the rush at my wedding

3.
shredded blooms
on my hair—
writing on my journal

4.
spring rain—
the taste of salt spray
the first time

5.
first spring walk—
a clump of drooping snowdrops
black patch smaller

6.
against the haze
a hedge of briar roses—
my unfinished poem

These and the rest in the suite of ten haiku, of course, came back declined. You might want to let me know why, first, and then, I’ll write a self-critique.

March 26, 2011 Posted by | haiku, poetry, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

first frost on LYNX XXVI:1 (haiku that worked)/magnolia (didn’t work)

first frost—
the last of the roses
have lost their names

Published LYNX XXVI:I February 2011

Of the suite I submitted, only this haiku along with a sequence and a tanka worked. I think it was accepted because it’s the only one that is neither anthropomorphic (personifying an object) nor ‘author-driven’ (my weakness it seems) or I did not write my own opinion into it as compared to ‘magnolia’, one of five that didn’t work, here:

magnolia
bares molds on
winter skin

Yes, the magnolia bared in the fall through winter looks blotched and moldy. But I ‘stated’ my observation, and I even personified the magnolia as baring itself, instead of ‘simply noting my observation and my reaction to it’. Also, I used a metaphor in the last line. These points I think made it a non-haiku.

I should have worked on it some more and submitted something like this:

in the winter mist
the bare blotched magnolia–
i turn away

January 28, 2011 Posted by | critique/self-critique, haiku, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

mementoes (when my haiku mutate into free verse)

through shedding arcs
up the sand hill down the slide
i make a short cut to my wedding

my veil tangled in a hail
of magnolia endings

six heads bob over the hedge but
a man selling balloons i pull up
a picture the sun

fades in my hand my ring turns
blue in autumn rain

i gawk on my mud-soaked feet
pigeons i startle whoosh up
spray the sky

as seagulls prancing stomp
on my impaled shadow

on my wall i let go of daylight
on the window ledge
my cabbage roses wilt

on leaf tips I glimpse my tears
dripping from my shredded heart

December 14, 2010 Posted by | free verse, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

winter magnolia

blotched
knobbed
bare–
winter magnolia

Image:Atlanta_trees_039_764.JPG
http://www.wkikihow.com<a

December 13, 2010 Posted by | haiku, poetry | , , , , , , , | 2 Comments