jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

‘Where has it all gone?’ (excerpt from “Lovers of the Interior”, my novella-in-progress for OSP)

At the far end of the tunnel, a dull roaring begins. The iron tracks tinkle in their trembling. He twitches then bolts up wide-eyed. A shadow looms ahead and a pair of white light pierces through. A ruckus has risen. The scream of steel grating against steel draws near. But what pulls him up panting from disbelief is the empty pit inside of him.

Where has the memory gone? He silently cries out through the maddening screech of the train slithering to a stop. The dazed crowd has massed up. Flexed limbs now aim at the door. He lingers on the rim of the crowd magnetized by the door, smarting from the pangs of a lost memory.

He now feels a bump from behind. The girl has stepped behind him without a word. He turns toward her. She stares at him as if he were a stranger.

The door heaves and gulps the mass. He gets pushed to the end of the aisle, into a crook between the door of the conductor’s booth and the swaying rear of the coach. He glances at the exposed limbs of the train, and then, shifting his eyes he catches Nini’s head three-arms-clutching-the-hand rail away. She seems stilled, not a hint of her missing him. He has finally lost her, he thought holding down a pent-up glee.
An excerpt from Chapter 26 of my novella-in-progress “Lovers of the Interior” posted for One Stop and the Arts–Elements of Writing at One Stop Poetry, the gathering place for poets and artists, sharing both their love for theirs and those of others’ works, and nurturing each other. Come check us out!

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June 23, 2011 - Posted by | excerpt, novella | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. definitely some nice imagery and prose. while tracks tinkling sounds good poetically is it really what you are trying to convey…it sounds a bit odd…just a thought…intriguing opening to the story…would def like to see more…and great job writing in present tense…

    Comment by brian | June 24, 2011 | Reply

    • Wow, Brian, thanks! I didn’t think this would interest anyone; I thought it would be a like a bolt from the blue but you read it and even took time to give a constructive note. The truth is, I’ve finished writing and rewriting it but everytime I read it, I see something else that needs reworking or expanding or collapsing so much so that this novella may never see the light of day so to speak! Yes, I’d be excited to let you read it little by little. You may note that this is an excerpt from Chapter 26…you may want to read Chapter 1? Yes, I’ll post some again.

      Comment by alee9 | June 25, 2011 | Reply

  2. “..dull roaring …tracks tinkle…scream of steel grating… the crowd magnetized by the door…heaves and gulps the mass.

    I really like your imagery here …

    Comment by Raivenne | June 28, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks, Raivenne! I’m glad you dropped by and liked my excerpt!

      Comment by alee9 | June 28, 2011 | Reply


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