solstice (a tanka*-ish reflection for One Shot Wednesday)
only in fullness
am I still–
i cast no shadow
as a rendezvous
dissipates into a sob
the wind flails
hapless
in the gingko twigs–
where perfection
encases feelings
if punctured
fibres
of wombs burst
water before blood
into birthing
a cry of rage
flags what a heart
hoards–
peace when it settles
lines its chambers
nothing like a Nautilus
the heart is but a pump
the fist opening
and closing
for fluids to flow
red colors
a river the heart
conjures–
layers of molecules
veil its nature
until the solstice
skids past its point
of stillness
wholeness is truth
until
a heart breaks
until a birthing point
reverts
to that first sound
that cry of rage
*tanka, sometimes known to be the precursor of haiku, is a 5-line Japanese poetic form used by court poets of ancient Japan. Scroll down for my post on this form in February.
Posted for One Shot Wednesday at On Stop Poetry where poets and artists of the most inimitable talents gather to share and support each other. Check it out!
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About
autumn wind
wondering about lilies
in a mountain pond
Tell me a writer who really gets a satisfying jornal, in Spanish a daily wage or its equivalent, and I’ll bare a spirit in constant bouts of doubtfulness. Does a writer earn more because of what he writes and how he does it? Or is a writer paid more or less because of who he is? Is it money or honor he expects to receive?
Ahhh … but money as wage, and praise or honor as reward would be too predictable, too common as Job lamented in the Book of Job. It is in these lines that read: “Is not man’s life on earth nothing more than pressed service, his times no better than hired drudgery? Like the slave, sighing for the shade, or the workman with no thought but his wages, months of delusion I have assigned to me, nothing for my own but nights of grief. Lying in bed I wonder, ‘When will it be day?’ Risen I think, ‘How slowly evening comes!’
Restlessly I fret till twilight falls. Swifter than a weaver’s shuttle my days have passed, and vanished, leaving no hope behind. Remember that my life is but a breath, and that my eyes will never again see joy.”
Not money but joy is the ultimate wage as the passage implies. And joy is not hard to earn for it is in everyday life if we have eyes to see, a nose to smell, fingers to touch, ears to hear–a heart beating. This to me, is how a writer earns a daily wage. His wages then take the guise of treasures his heart can transfigure into a universe of thought that taps into other hearts, that causes a swirl in the depth of other souls, or that makes wings to sprout on leaden heels.
Sometimes not joy but rueful, poignant moments are my pick. Take what I earned once: On my walk home in my neighborhood, I caught two clumps of snowdrops–such tiny blossoms smaller than fingertips that do not look up but shyly droop close to black patches on the ground winter has frozen. That afternoon in the frosty wind, they trembled as if ready to turn away and run but how could they? For that poignant moment on seeing the wintry rain beat on the fragile snowdrop–as if pushing it to go home now, go to sleep–I earned my jornal, my daily wage.
Once on summer walk, the crackle of dried leaves just hit me both like the laughter of children and sobs long suppressed. Neither one of them would resolve the dryness, but I recalled how each does bring tears: laughter for joy, sobs for healing that comes with the release of a dammed-up pain. My jornal that day came as two haiku.
Fall has since shortened the day and the heart begins to crave for lost space that it doesn’t even recall which or where. I feel that most treasures have turned into mush so much so I wouldn’t be able to sift them off the ground. Yet I caught the dying day yesterday–so glorious in the gold of autumn it opened a flip side of serene heaven. Blades of grass coated in diadems of rain that carpet the lawns render royal walks poor by imitation. A burst of red maple against an inky blue sky humbled me, a soul bragging about her skill to recreate beauty in words.
I suppose I’m taking Job’s reflections to heart. I’d rather not gloss over each day and look beyond what’s there, right before me, or else fragile as is my breath one day “my eyes may never again see joy” to write. With what then will I compare the eternal joy, the ultimate wage I await?
Yet for now, as other eyes hanker to make the invisible visible, I put a tag on some moments of joy. Like on seeing the snowdrops, I paid myself $200 as my jornal.
What could have been yours?
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intense…particularly in the last two…but those were my favorites…smiles.
Always the first to read, I suppose, and comment with words that reassure, nourish the heart! Thanks hugely, Brian!
Again, another lyrical tour d’force from you, Ali. I love the risks you take with disparate adjectives/nouns– this has a cascading feel to it– gorgeous. xxxxj
Oh, Jenne, I love what you say about my poems–always something new: ‘lyrical tourd’force’ and ‘disparate adjectives/nouns’ that give a ‘cascading feel’. They sound like what I would read as critiques in the back of a collection! Thanks so much!
Could feel the flow of wind, blood, and water. Brian says intense, and I agree. Your poetry always has a sharp edge to it. Wonderful as always.
I hold on to what you say each time, Adam! Such nourishment for me! Like I told Brian, OSP has been a fertile patch for me. Thanks to you, I seem to be really finding my voice, letting it ring louder and louder!
“The heart is but a pump” that one stuck with me, very strong piece.
Thanks for your lovely comment, Pat! But the heart is but a pump, isn’t it? And yet, it can’t be!!!
As always, great language, forceful images, strong flow. I especially like the second stanza, with it’s wind flailed twigs and “perfection encases feelings..” and the entire fourth stanza is genius.
Beloved hedgewitch, you always pick the stanza and the lines that are lodged in the heart of my poems. “Genius?” I’m up in the stratosphere without wings!
An excellent poem. I had to read a couple times. good stuff! I especially liked Stanza 5.
Thanks, poemblaze! I’m thrilled you love it!