jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

it has to end (haiku)

it has to end:
the wind
to cherry blossoms

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May 6, 2011 - Posted by | haiku, poetry | , , , , , ,

15 Comments »

  1. Nice one.

    I changed ‘to’ in the last line to ‘the’ and liked it even more.
    but at any rate, i enjoyed this one..

    Comment by Dhyan | May 6, 2011 | Reply

    • Oh, thank you, Dhyan! It works better and the image slides into the oncoming seethe of summer–indeed both spring wind and blossoms end. And thanks for coming by.

      Comment by alee9 | May 6, 2011 | Reply

      • happy you find it a possibility too
        and even happier to see the dialogue developing..

        Comment by Dhyan | May 9, 2011

      • Thanks for coming back, Dhyan! And happy about the dialogue with Wrick developing–he does that, he opens conversations that hardle ever end. Do jump in if you’re inclined to.

        Comment by alee9 | May 9, 2011

  2. As suggested by Dhyan:

    it has to end:
    the wind
    the cherry blossoms

    Comment by alee9 | May 6, 2011 | Reply

  3. hmmmm…. i like both versions.

    the second version, yes, both wind and cherry blossoms have to end. . . it feels separate tho.

    the first version is more striking (to me). it grabs at my attention to look more closely and understand. and… the wind to cherry blossoms – that too has to end. yet i also see the scattering of blossom petals in the air – i like that – that is what will end too. i dont get that with the ending of wind. separate. from the ending of blossoms. as easily…

    also i like the contrast between the two phrases of the first ku. rather than the separation of 3 phrases in the 2nd version.

    tough choice tho. cool exploration.

    Comment by Rick Daddario | May 7, 2011 | Reply

    • I love how you take it apart, Wrick! Both have possibilities but you prove right with your explanations and choices that indeed, haiku as in all poetry is deeply personal.

      This haiku has long been waiting to be written! On my walks these thoughts have long been bursting: The absolute beauty at the height of cherry blossoms ends in a wink. The wind has to come, blowing as if with a million pursed lips for each blossom to shed though this happens only on quieter days when the breeze brushes by almost like a feather-whisper. Toward the end of spring as in the past days, rain and wind in a mad dance conspire to cause first a blizzard of petals next a heavy drenching to push the blossoms to surrender bowed barely a petal left.

      Yesterday evening, paved walks on my neighborhood made me feel more princess than her who just wed: as far as I could see, an iridescent carpet in cherry pink has been unrolled; I prepared for light steps on silken layers of still succulent petals exhilarated yet rueful how I tarnished each shred with every step.

      This, too, this equivocal feeling that divides the heart soon ends, I know. So swift in fact, when on my turn toward our gate, flavors not perfumes from the lavender bush but of fish on the grill pulled my steps closer to the ground.

      Thanks again, Wrick, for a deeply engaging exchange. Please do come by again.

      Comment by alee9 | May 8, 2011 | Reply

      • aloha Alee9 – to be clear – i dont know that how i see it is right – it’s just how i see it. …and of course that can be changed.

        the cherry blossom carpet you speak of – yeah, i like that too. here, there are what we call Shower Trees. these come in many colors. some are white. some yellow. some orange or pink and some mixed. with the lightest breeze these blossoms shower down as a gentle heavy snowfall might, and the circle beneath the tree – a round carpet of yellow or pink etc. stunning.

        the time of this kind of showering is just coming into being. i’m hopeful that on some of my concrete fossil walks i’ll encounter these shower tree storms.

        shower tree storm
        yellow blossoms flutter
        in the breeze

        Comment by Rick Daddario | May 9, 2011

      • Hahah…yes, we’re clear on that–how you see it and how it can be changed. That’s the very nature of poetry and the source of its magic!

        I love your Shower Tree and your haiku!

        shower tree–
        in the breeze a storm
        of yellow blossoms

        I love how you describe the circle the shower makes–I’ve seen that in camellias, how those heavy open-faced (in their fall) huge blossoms form a heavily-textured mantled around the tree. The way the camellia falls, by the way, reminds of how a woman bares all, causing a scandal. I think I used that phrase in one of my haiku or tanka–‘the scandal of the camellia’.

        Back to the Shower tree. In the Philippines, it’s our national tree, the Narra that does rain on you golden (really yellow golden) blossoms when the wind riffles through the tree. Its a huge sturdy tree with a thick crown and it blossoms in clusters on each twig–rather fragrant, too! Its redolence and brilliance used to literally rain on me when I used to walk toward the gate of Intramuros (Walled City of Spanish Manila) where the government media office (where I once worked) hugged a wall. I relished those morning walks which I could describe as rained on as I waded through a shallow stream of perfumed golden petals–what fairy would not want to turn mortal for this. Of course, the cherry blossoms leave a more tender feeling. That of oucrse, is nothing but a memory.

        the narra in bloom–
        a blizzard of golden petals
        drenches me

        Do tell me when on one of your ‘concrete fossil walks’ you too, get rained on. Come back soon?

        Comment by alee9 | May 9, 2011

  4. Lovely!

    Comment by Mama Zen | May 7, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks, MamaZen!

      Comment by alee9 | May 8, 2011 | Reply

  5. oh. yes.. – aloha Alee9 – . your shower tree ku. i like that very much. a lot more than my own.

    i didnt feel i did the moment justice in mine. there is too much… over-used-ness in my last line – “in the breeze” – it is too common to be used as a last line (and may be not as such for any line). that is the risk i take i think when i shotgun haiku. sometimes i miss.

    yours on the other hand… set’s up the yellow blossom line beautifully – it builds to it. . . so that getting there becomes the sudden brilliant blossoms in a surprise. i like that. i like that. a lot.

    yes – excellent observation too – the delicate tender petals of fallen cherry blossoms vs the deluge of shower tree blossoms. yes, i like that too.

    i have memories – of shower tree blossoms. . .

    some are that circle of intense color beneath the tree around the trunk (i’ve seen this with mountain apple blossoms too – an intense almost neon pink-violet). some years it’s like that.

    some years the wind blows it away in one direction. so that on one side of the tree near the trunk there is a clear curved edge to the blossom line. and on the other side the blossoms trail off and fade away like the tail of a comet.

    i remember the first time or two i saw this kind of blossom carpet i wanted to find one of these trees in a park to photograph it. but i’d always see them along the street. i now know they are brief and only if conditions are just right. i’d come the next day to look and it would all be gone. an hour later – half an hour later – 15 minutes later – and it all may be gone until another year. swept away on a breeze. i now know better – it is where it is. all things and moments are like this. it is what it is where it is. and that is what makes it special – or one of the things. and i know if i get the chance – in the street will be awesome.

    another memory. after my mother died. i visited and walked through the cemetery where she was cremated a number of times. there are a number of these trees in the cemeteries along the street in that area and i wanted to walk each because i felt close to her in those places. i still do.

    one small older cemetery was up the road a ways. it was rainy with bits of wind but i decided to walk up the two or three blocks any way. suddenly as i walked the rain became heavy and i stopped in the semi-shelter of a stone wall.

    on the other side of the stone wall a shower tree grew. it over hung the wall and street where i was standing. as i waited the storm out the shower tree let it’s blossoms come down. with each gust of wind or blast of rain – another shower of blossoms fell.

    the pavement in the street being wet the leaves stuck almost instantly where ever they first touched. it was beautiful and i remained there for nearly an hour after the rain had let up just to watch and see.

    it was one of those moments when i wanted to reach out to someone and tell them to look and see. i’m sure we all notice it. in the rain, the few people who passed by were in a head-down hurry to get out of what looked like more rain. for me, yellow being a color my mother liked very much, i like the memory very much too.

    i wonder if narra – do you think that is the same tree? i dont remember the scent being so strong as you indicate. but it may be that in the stronger wind the scent is less noticeable.

    if these conversations are good, i am delighted. you pay me a high compliment – never ending. bwahahahaha – i do ramble a lot. fun. and thank you for the beautiful memory explorations. as well as your beautiful haiku.

    yeah. i’m sure if i get caught in a shower tree storm, even without a camera – i’ll make extra note this year. cool. and let you know too. aloha.

    Comment by Rick Daddario | May 9, 2011 | Reply

    • Wow!!! I love the whole thing to pieces, Wrick! May I use it to make a larger story here with our haiku, like a haibun on ‘shower trees’? No, the compliment is yours not mine! I love your utterly busy mind–it makes mine spin in spaces I wouldn’t recall going back to and what hidden gems do lie waiting to sparkle. Thanks again and please let me know it it’s alright for me to pull this comment for a new post.

      Comment by alee9 | May 12, 2011 | Reply

      • aloha alee9 – yes. the bottom line for you to use this comment is yes.

        although i’m not quite sure what you have in mind or exactly how you wish to use it, i think it would be fun to see what you do with it. so, yes. go ahead.

        i’m not sure if i can help or not? if so, let me know.

        also – just so you know. sometimes i save my comments. ones like this where i’ve rattled on about something that i like or that i think others might value (like in art discussions). i save the comments because i think i may do something with them some day. although what i’ll do is only a loose idea right now. so, just so you know. i too may use this comment at some point in some way.

        whew. all that said. i take it that this will in some way be a collaboration. i like that. and if there is some way in which you’d like to collaborate on something – not necessarily this comment – but another work – let me know that too if it interests you.

        to be clear… i’m not a greatly knowledgeable writer. so i do not always know the poetic terms, names and so on – on any form of writing – poetry or prose.

        i do like to explore tho. so, if a collaboration of some kind appeals to you. let me know – especially if you have that ability to edit me into some kind of form that makes sense rather than just me rambling.

        at one point i did look into – may be it was – haibun? where one poet leaves a line or two. and the next poet continues on. i’m not sure i fully understood it. or how to go about it. so you see, i’d need a helping hand in that way, if we were to do something more than what you are thinking about with this comment.

        cool. and i look forward to what you do. and no worries if you get into it and realize it will not work – or if you realize you do not have time and so decide you can not do it at all. how ever it works out will be fine. – i would like to see what you do if that is okay when ever you are ready to show me.

        cool again. have fun. and thank you for asking – aloha.

        Comment by Rick Daddario | May 12, 2011

      • Thank you, Wrick! I love that you’re so flexible and linient! You allow me a lot of space to think of what to do with this wonderful exchange of ideas. Yes, I’ll email it to you as soon as I compose a good one. Thanks again!

        Comment by alee9 | May 13, 2011


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