jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

you and i in seven pieces (for One Shot Wednesday)

1.
a flower basket moon—
tilting from a swing of arms
in revolving doors
our sighs uncompleted in the eaves
a storm hanging by a cloud

2.
squalling gulls
rip our day in shreds–
the only sound
between us and the stones
and the dying flowers

3.
why the mimosa
shrinks in pain at our steps–
i search for your scent
you squint from its thorns
i sip drops of night dew

4.
darkness leaves us blind
we grope for our eyes but find
our lips like embers
on a bed of pebbles left to die–
we thrum like restless stars

5.
we reap our moaning
gather folds of reticent dawn
into my breast–
you slice away your pain
my flesh thins out in your hands

6.
i beg for the sun
lodged in the cleavage of morning–
you toss it flaming
your destiny line singed
the line of your heart scarred

7.
i lie in wait–
the next moon comes astride
the east wind raging
washing away whirlpools of dust
baring the sun i conceived

soleil levant by Claude Monet 1872 courtesy of wikipedia

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March 16, 2011 - Posted by | poetry, tanka, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

16 Comments »

  1. Lovely poem, each section is like a small jewel. Great One Shot!

    Comment by stevenmgrant | March 16, 2011 | Reply

    • Thanks for this wonderful visit, Steve, and an even more uplifting comment!

      Comment by alee9 | March 16, 2011 | Reply

  2. Gorgeous poem, Ali. Lyrical, a fantasia of imagery– sensuous and rich. I especially love these lines:

    darkness leaves us blind
    we grope for our eyes but find
    our lips like embers
    on a bed of pebbles left to die–
    we thrum like restless stars

    5.
    we reap our moaning
    gather folds of reticent dawn
    into my breast–
    you slice away your pain
    my flesh thins out in your hands

    No. 5 especially a masterful stanza– so beautiful. xxxj

    Comment by jenneandrews | March 16, 2011 | Reply

    • Humbling words from you, Jenne! I’m truly honored.

      Comment by alee9 | March 16, 2011 | Reply

  3. i agree this was a delight…flower basket moon is a great opening picture in contrast to the birds tearing…the ups and downs are nice….

    Comment by brian | March 16, 2011 | Reply

    • I’m always revved up with your ‘reading’ of my shots, Brian! Always thrilled to know you’ve enjoyed yet another one–this!

      Comment by alee9 | March 16, 2011 | Reply

  4. Sad and wistful, a slow walk of disintegration, yet beautiful as well, each little mental nugget of memory and place treasured despite pain, one feels. The image of the sun, the palmistry references all give this yet more layers. Subtle and rewarding write, Alegria. Liked it very much.

    Comment by hedgewitch | March 16, 2011 | Reply

    • Truth is, I think I have in mind the very discriminating poetic minds of OSP writers but especially yours when I post a piece for OSW!!! And for OSS, too, of course! Really with you, I’ve understood my craft better, gaining mastery each time from your comments as well as from reading those of others at the site, in particular, yours–your use of form is something I have yet to explore.

      This poem flowed as un-selfconsciously as blood in my veins. It ‘s apparently one more fruition I’ve conceived from layers of joy, pain, bliss, dawns, sunsets, desert midnights and noon-crests. Thank you so much, again, Joy! With each word from you… I feel reborn!

      Comment by alee9 | March 16, 2011 | Reply

  5. A beautiful poem that seems fitting to be accompanied by an impressionist landscape. And while your poem has many lovely lines, it is not without a sense of destruction…
    “you slice away your pain
    my flesh thins out in your hands”
    Either way I read this passage it makes me think of a delicatessen; though in terms of self-sacrifice, or being intensely affected by another.

    Comment by dustus | March 16, 2011 | Reply

    • “…a delicatessen…” what a wonderful way to put it, Adam! A place where delight is served for the senses yet an experience fulfilled only if the choice ‘affects’ the spirit. Indeed, it could be pain or joy or the many other ways of the body ruminating with the mind and spirit. Thank you so much, again!

      Comment by alee9 | March 16, 2011 | Reply

  6. Wow-worthy, perfect. One of the best poems I’ve read today (I’ve read a hundred posted writings today).

    Comment by Steve Isaak | March 17, 2011 | Reply

    • Wow! From you, Steve, always so honored! Thank you!

      Comment by alee9 | March 17, 2011 | Reply

  7. Glad I discovered you. I’ll be back!

    Comment by Timoteo | March 17, 2011 | Reply

    • Do come back, Tim! Glad you came by.

      Comment by alee9 | March 18, 2011 | Reply

  8. Alee9, I’d like to feature an excerpt of this in a journal where I write a monthly column. Can you please email me so we talk about how I can reprint three lines and still honor your “copyright notice”?

    Comment by Marcus Goodyear | March 26, 2011 | Reply

    • I’d be honored, Marcus. My copyright attribution is on the right hand-side of my home page. Thanks for cominy by!

      Comment by alee9 | March 26, 2011 | Reply


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