jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

in the mist/frosted dawn (#24b & #25 for NaHaiWriMo with brief self-critique)

#24b for NaHaiWriMo (#24 posted at facebook site)
in the mist
waiting to meet you–
budding crocus

A double kigo for spring. I don’t know if it works. But I also see in it two meanings: ‘mist’ for uncertainty, ‘budding crocus’ for hope, reassurance.

#25
frosted dawn–
his words hang
over coffee

I’m not sure about the juxtapostion of image, kigo and meaning here. But I like it.

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February 25, 2011 - Posted by | critique/self-critique, haiku, poetry | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. yeah. i like both. the first one – #24b – i took two ways this way:

    1- the writer/speaker is waiting to meet someone – that expectation is like the budding crocus – waiting to blossom in the mist.

    2- it is the budding crocus in the mist that is waiting to meet the you, the one walking toward it the reader.

    the scent of coffee
    in the cool light of dawn
    a work day

    funny – i just counted my february haiku on WP – mostly in comments – i think. that one is #22. but i also have several at least – on another site – yeah – 15 on another site and some not on any site. .. so may be i’ve played in NaHaiWriMo after all. cool. .

    Comment by Rick Daddario | February 25, 2011 | Reply

    • Cool on the ways you took my first haiku, Wrick! I love the second one especially how you see who it is ‘waiting to meet (me), the one walking toward the reader’– a double image!

      And I like your ‘coffee at dawn’ ku,as well. Now mine:

      the cooling dawn
      your half-drank coffee cup–
      waiting to kiss goodbye

      About your off site NaHaiWriMo ku, I know how prodigious you can be with your comments.

      Same with me! The energy in somebody else’s blog, like Melissa’s, Margaret’s and yours, pulls me like an undertow and swirling in it, I just go on ku-ing. And often, my best ku or ones that I really think are good haiku write themselves in such moments, utterly joyful moments–‘joy’ that is its reward.

      Yes, you must gather your haiku from your comments, number them and make a NaHaiWriMo page/post on your blog.

      Thanks again!

      Comment by alee9 | February 26, 2011 | Reply

      • aloha Alegria – yeah, i like ku that ring layer bells in my skull. and way cool ku-ing in response to a “moment” (which i know can be a Looooooooong moment) on another blog.

        something about that moment that takes us off our own path becomes exhilarating, yes? i like it too because it peals me out of my own shell – and box. and yeah, i think some of my better ku happen in those kinds of moments.

        i think too, my own attempts at Ku On This are showing me how to improve my own image seeking moments – not that i’ve gotten there yet, but i have a vision at least now.

        oh. i hadnt thought of a post like that suggestion of yours for a page/post of NaHaiWriMo ku, Alegria. that’s a great idea. i like that. i may have to follow up on that. thank you.

        may be i better go look at the official page/site? for NaHaiWriMo ku? i think i looked once. did i? sheesh.

        after finding i couldnt do PostADay for WP i became reluctant to commit to things like that. …knowing how poorly i see into the future regarding time and what i’ll do etc. and how easily i can over commit myself… sometimes i learn, and then forget. bwahahahahahahaa. once it’s done. then i’m okay committing. ha. that’s a similar approach i’ve taken to Mail Art Projects too. and Art Calls as well. once it’s done, then i’ll commit. funny, yes? so for WP i would have had to wait a year before i could find out if i could commit to OneADay. ha.

        way fun and thanks again on the posting thought. aloha. oh. and you’re welcome too.

        Comment by Rick Daddario | February 26, 2011

      • Thanks again for pulling out another thread in this conversation, Wrick!

        Commitment? That’s always a big scare, isn’t it? In matters of personal and true-to-life matters, especially, but even more so in ART. I have had brief bouts of it–this ‘being on a roll’, but not like now that I feel totally consumed by it–though still unaware of commitment to giving in or have given in to–the POWER OF HAIKU and TANKA. I feel I’m changing especially with my pesonality; I think I’m turning into a monk who prowls the city looking hollow or with burning eyes on details that turn into or churn haiku in my mind.

        I used to be mindful of my interactions; I used to be prompt with my replies to ideas–I used to be present in most if not all meetings about social issues and plain social events and stay and follow-up on ideas I throw in. But now? Haiku/tanka and my other poetic forms have gripped me like a vise. I seem to carry a head that’s brewing a stew of images restlessly swirling as words non-stop! Never mind if none or all that comes out of it is bad or good haiku or poetic lines–the ‘power’ wields its whip and I must let it ride, put down on the screen what I’m not even aware whether or not it’s my composition of most of the time.

        If this hasn’t happened to you yet, totally, I’m sure you’ve felt it some time–beware! Commitment? I don’t know if you can choose to thwart it or shoo it away!

        haiku truths–
        crocus and frogs after rain
        ketrels and hyacinths
        telling you secrets non-stop
        oh, poet for you, no rest

        Comment by alee9 | February 26, 2011


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