jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

swarm of tiny wings

swarm of tiny wings

fades out  in the autumn sky–

unfinished journal

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October 2, 2010 - Posted by | haiku, poetry | , ,

2 Comments »

  1. This makes me think you are sitting at a desk peering out your window on a darkening evening in autumn. It makes the reader pause and reflect.

    I only wonder if you really need the word “fades”? It is almost already implied by Autumn.

    Comment by upinvermont | October 3, 2010 | Reply

    • You’re right again!

      I brought this haiku to a ginko walk last Saturday for the workshop. And I received the same comment from Carole MacRury, known haiku writer and often a judge of haiku contests, and Vicki McCullough, editor, writer.

      Still working on it as in:

      swarm of sparrows
      in the autumn sky–
      bittersweet glance

      Thanks!!!

      Comment by Alegria Imperial | October 5, 2010 | Reply


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