jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

among the rocks

among the rocks

a cascade of Aureola–

her laughter

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August 10, 2010 - Posted by | haiku, poetry | ,

2 Comments »

  1. This made me smile – especially because Aureaola sounds and looks like Areola. Imagine! It sounds like you are making an analogy – her laughter is like a cascade of Aureola. This isn’t something that classical haiku do (not that one should always model classical haiku). Perhaps something a little more unexpected (?)

    lost among
    a cascade of Aureola –
    her laughter

    Comment by upinvermont | August 10, 2010 | Reply

    • Patrick, I love this critique and the critic! Actually, the original haiku is this:

      a cascade of Aureola
      among the rocks, a frog
      croaks

      … which I imagine you’d want pared down to

      a cascade of Aureola
      among the rocks–
      a croak

      Please do stay!!!

      Comment by alee9 | August 10, 2010 | Reply


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