jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

silence

silence—

 even seagulls imitate

 the stones

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August 8, 2010 - Posted by | haiku, poetry | ,

4 Comments »

  1. Hmmm… This reminds me of Buson and Issa. I think Buson loved the seashore and Issa was always so attentive to animals.

    Here’s what I think: “silence” is already expressed by “even seagulls imitate/the stones”. So… I think to myself… keep the last image but rethink the first part.

    Is it hot, cold, winter, summer? – or maybe something else. 🙂

    buttoning
    my coat – even seagulls imitate
    the stones.

    Comment by upinvermont | August 9, 2010 | Reply

  2. You’re right, Patrick! You focus the sun on my lines and their sparkle along with the cobwebs show. See, that’s why I so miss you when you can’t have the time to read and more, to critique my haiku!

    I think I have a good first part but I’d like to keep it for submission somewhere that strictly requires ‘no eye’ to have read it.

    Thank you, again and again!

    Comment by Alegria Imperial | August 10, 2010 | Reply

  3. Love the second section. I have to say we’ve almost all done a number of haiku with ‘silence’ or ‘silent’. This is such a good haiku it needs a stronger first line.

    Alan, With Words

    Comment by Alan Summers | August 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks, Alan! That you love a section is such a high for me.

      I accessed ‘With Words’ and I hope to ‘interweave’ my own with you. I already have a few first lines; when I’m ready, may I submit it to you?

      Alegria

      Comment by alee9 | August 24, 2010 | Reply


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