jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

winter picking

 

abandoned nests

snag clear lines of bare trees–

the pain of leaving

A picking that has eased the bareness of winter–that’s my jornal from this haiku.

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December 23, 2009 - Posted by | haiku, poetry | , ,

2 Comments »

  1. I like the sentiment of this haiku.

    I only wonder if “clear lines” and “bare trees” isn’t redundant? – since the former implies the latter?

    I also wonder if you need to write “pain”. This sentiment is already somewhat implied by the bare treess – autumn already implies a certain loss and sorrow.

    Comment by upinvermont | December 23, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks, again and again, Patrick!

      I love how you pick the essence of each haiku I write and see its imperfections, thus, give me the chance to work on it.

      Yes, I had thought of the redundancies…

      Alegria

      Comment by Guia Albano-Imperial | December 24, 2009 | Reply


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