jornales

for a moment of joy or moments no one pays for, i give myself a ‘jornal’. this makes me rich. try it.

sequence-la luna blanca

la luna blanca

white  moon

 

rising in the east

a patch on my shadowed

wedding veil

 

en la bahía

on the bay

 

melting on ripples

its path on halved waters

our braided hands

 

un velo bordado

an embroidered veil

 

mira mi cara blanca

la imagen de una noche solitaria

un corazón vacío

 

look on my white face

the reflection of a solitary night

an empty heart

 

la luna blanca

white moon

 

sets at midday

wraps me in a cloud

invisible in blue

 

un brillo en los arboles

sheen in the tress

 

returns at ebb tide

creeps to my bed

stays

 

un blanco sueno

white dream

 

se decolora en un beso

caído como rocío en las rosas

un cielo rosado

 

fades into a kiss

falls as dew on the roses

a pink sky

 

As jornal for this sequence, I cannot even conjure a number.  It’s like one those tasks I had done gratis because the value is in the product, which is beyond value.

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August 23, 2009 - Posted by | haiku, poetry, sequence | , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. I’m so glad I checked in. I love sequences like these. Have you ever read Wallace Stevens – 13 Ways of Looking at a Blackbird?

    http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/stevens-13ways.html

    This one is my favorite, a subtly erotic:

    rising in the east
    a patch on my shadowed
    wedding veil

    It seems that the wedding is over. The night moves from darkness to light because of the rising moon. Likewise, one guesses that the woman’s new husband is about to lift the veil and reveal much more to the rising moon. : )

    My next favorite:

    melting on ripples
    its path on halved waters
    our braided hands

    The juxtaposition of images is beautiful – melting, halved, braided… You have such a wonderful touch and imagination.

    In the following, I wonder about the last line? It seems to tell too much. I long for the pure imagery of your previous haiku.

    look on my white face
    the reflection of a solitary night
    an empty heart

    The following is interesting but very abstract. It doesn’t possess the same emotional content as the first two haiku. I wonder if it’s as successful as a haiku?

    sets at midday
    wraps me in a cloud
    invisible in blue

    I love the following, very suggestive with a hint of eroticism. I’m reminded of the first haiku and one gets the sense of a story…

    returns at ebb tide
    creeps to my bed
    stays

    The last haiku is a colorful lyric but feels less successful as a haiku – though that may not be the point. As a lyric, it is lovely and evocative.

    Comment by upinvermont | August 27, 2009 | Reply

    • Wow!!! Patrick, you’re terrific as a poetry critic. Your sensitivity not only to language but to nuances especially of emotions unknown to have surfaced even to the poet is acute and precise!

      What else can I say–you’ve fished me out of the waters where I’ve dipped shielded by crystal impenetrable to other elements except reflected light.

      I’m learning so much from you, inspired to keep writing by you.

      Thanks again so much.

      Comment by Alegria Imperial | August 27, 2009 | Reply

    • Please read my reply again. I had corrected a cardinal mistake! I meant you as a “critic” for your “critique”. I’m so sorry about that to you all.

      Comment by alee9 | August 31, 2009 | Reply

  2. Hi Alegria,

    I don’t remember being offended by anything you wrote! I’m just looking forward to your next post.

    🙂

    Comment by upinvermont | August 31, 2009 | Reply


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